Okay Jesus, this is getting ridiculous

Triple-A Scranton (16-6 beatdown of Durham) how’s 11 XBH as a team sound?
Brett Gardner: 3 for 4, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 3B, 2 RBI, 1 BB – he’s slugging .833 … no joke
Justin Christian: 2 for 4, 1 2B, 4 RBI, 1 BB – 10 RBI in 9 games
Juan Miranda: 1 for 5, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 1 HBP
Shelley: 3 for 5, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 1 BB – 4 doubles, 3 homers and 21 total bases in 3 games since being sent down
Jason Lane: 1 for 5, 2 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 1 BB
Cody Ransom: 3 for 6, 3 R, 1 2B
Nick Green: 4 for 6, 4 R, 1 HR, 3 RBI – Nick Green, Nick frickin’ Green is 9 for his last 17 with 2 doubles, 2 homers and 5 RBI
Chris Stewart: 4 for 6, 2 R, 2 2B, 2 RBI
Jeff Marquez: 5.1 IP, 4 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, 1 E (throwing), 11-2 GB/FB – sinker’s workin’
Scott Patterson: 0.2 IP, zeroes, 0-2 GB/FB
Ben Kozlowski Heath Phillips: 1.2 IP, 1 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 2 BB, 1 K – the “he’s going to be used as a lefty specialist only” plan went out the window two weeks into the season
Scott Strickland: 1.1 IP, 1 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 0 K, 1-3 GB/FB

Double-A Trenton (4-0 win over Harrisburg)
Reegie Corona & Colin Curtis: both 0 for 3, 1 BB – Curtis K’ed twice
Austin Jackson: 3 for 4, 2 SB
Jose Tabata: 1 for 4, 2 K
Chris Malec: 3 for 4, 2 R, 2 2B – 3 of his five hits on the year have gone for extra bases
Marcos Vechionacci: 1 for 3, 1 RBI, 2 K
Kevin Russo: 1 for 4, 1 R, 1 HR, 2 RBI – first game of the season after finding out he doesn’t have cancer
Jason Jones: 7 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 3 K, 11-6 GB/FB – off to a hot start after a solid season last year for Trenton
Mike Gardner: 2 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 2 K, 4-0 GB/FB

High-A Tampa (10-0 loss to Sarasota)
Damon Sublett, Edwar Gonzalez & Kevin Smith: all 1 for – Sublett walked once & K’ed twice … Edwar threw runners out at second & third from LF … Smith K’ed once
Kyle Anson: 3 for 3, 2 2B, 1 BB – picked a runner off first with a snap-throw … 5 for his last 7 with 3 doubles
rest of lineup: combined 2 for 20, 1 BB, 6 K – Tim Battle (who else) K’ed thrice … Mitch Hilligoss & Seth Fortenberry each K’ed once … Josue Calzado walked once, K’ed twice & committed a fielding error … Luis Nunez ripped two singles, stole a base & committed a throwing error
Ivan Nova: 5 IP, 7 H, 5 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 5 K, 1 WP, 1 HB, 6-2 GB/FB
JB Cox: 1 IP, 2 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 BB, 0 K, 2-1 GB/FB – glad to have him back
Sean Henn: 1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 2 K
Wilkins Arias: 1 IP, 4 H, 4 R, 3 ER, 0 BB, 1 K
Jon Hovis: 1 IP, zeroes, 3 K – I bet if you stuck him in the big league bullpen right now, he’d figure out a way to get hitters out, he’s that kind of pitcher

Low-A Charleston (4-3 win over Rome in 11 innings, walk-off style)
Abe Almonte & Justin Snyder: combined 0 for 9 – Almonte walked & K’ed twice
Bradley Suttle: 2 for 5, 1 2B, 1 K, 1 E (throwing)
Jesus Montero: 1 for 5, 1 2B, 1 RBI, 1 K, 2 PB – walk-off double
Brandon Laird: 3 for 4, 2 R – is there such a thing as quietly hitting .350? on this team there is
David Williams: 1 for 4, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI
Austin Romine: 3 for 4, 1 RBI – started at DH
Zach McAllister: 7 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 7 K, 13-2 GB/FB – 12-2 K/BB ratio & 22-3 GB/FB ratio so far this year … keep an eye on Z-Mac, he’s primed for a breakout year (like I predicted)
Jason Stephens: 3 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 5 K
Chase Vacek: 1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 0 K